Unchanged Weather
I woke up this morning thinking to myself that I’m not gonna let things/people suck the joy of work in my life and continue doing my best as how I was 5 years ago when I first joined the company. But as I entered the 2nd hour of work today, it happened! If you are a Harry Potter fan, you’ll understand what happens when a Dementor approaches a person who does not know how to summon a Patronus.
This person I think is what I would consider a Dementor… sucks all the happiness and hope out of a person and leave nothing but remorse. I sit here and let my mind wander back 5 years when I first came here. My boss was great (she’s still great even when she’s now not my boss), my fellow colleagues were find and they’re quite a joy most of the time. I see many faces come and go but nothing much has changed till recently.
At first it was just a question mark hovering over this person. But as it moves on, it looks as if the question mark now became a smiley face that now changes to a Dementor from time to time. Just when I tried to smile back with open arms of welcome, that is when I receive a hard slap on my face. I’ve never felt so resentful and I really do hate having this feeling.
At times I felt like approaching this person and let this person know how torturing it is to be in this current situation but from what I see, I don’t think it will help nor make things any better. All I can do most of the time is spill out to my husband or to my 3 sisters at work. Though I know they can’t help me to summon a Patronus and keep the Dementor away but at least it helped to make my burden felt a bit lighter.
Now most of the time, I think of nothing but leaving and maybe I don’t to suffer like that anymore. Maybe they do intend to drive me towards that direction. Well, if that’s true, I would prefer they walk up straight to me and tell it to my face. Then maybe I don’t have to try so hard to defend myself and my position.
My wedding day is approaching and planning for it has already given me stress that I’m happy with and that’s what I’m looking forward to. It’s only 3 months away and I’m still preparing my wedding card invitation, looking out for bridesmaid and flower girl dresses, thinking of whether or not to custom make a suit for Ken and etc..
What happens at work after the weeding? I really don’t know…
